More of the Same
I took a break from blogging. Still exhausted and not myself. Trying to not get depressed again.
Saw an old friend of mine. She’s older, like a mentor and friend in one. She is the most supportive person in my life, I have come to realize. She is so proud of me, thinks the world of me (even with knowing all this crap I blog about– and then some!), she can’t wait to tell everyone she knows about me and what I have achieved with my life. I can’t say I’ve ever known anyone else to feel about or act towards me in that way, to that extent. It’s very, very flattering.
Still find myself thinking about the Selfish Idiot. I can’t help myself. I wish I could stop. It’s like an addiction. I just can’t quit. I quit for a while, and then … it just came back to the forefront of my brain. Out of nowhere. It won’t stop.
I may have to take my feelings about the Selfish Idiot relationship (I still believe I do not have feelings for him personally, but for the better parts of our now-defunct relationship) and direct them towards someone else. It doesn’t really work, though. I already tried with Storyteller. I am this closeto trying to meet someone new online.
Lots of work with the Two Faced Smiling Liars lately, as well as some heavy emails to Out of Towner. Good lord, I hope he can help us.
I think I take work too seriously and personally. And for what? No big payoff in sight… no promotion, no IPO, no super-crazy bonus waiting in the wings. I should just do my forty hours and spend the rest of my time drunk or meditating.
